Years ago, a friend and I sipped martinis in a bar and talked about God. Or, at least I talked about God. My friend talked about the Universe. When I asked her, point blank, why she said "Universe" instead of "God," she answered directly and with no qualms. "Because it's all so much bigger than that." Huh, I thought. Bigger than God?
Well, not exactly, but yes. Bigger than God.
What she meant was that our experiences and everything we aim to understand is much, much bigger than the way we have constructed "God." God on earth is not a reality. At the time she said this to me, I was alarmed. I couldn't possibly think of things being "bigger than God," could I? Wouldn't that be doubt? But what my friend understood was that God was constructed. We would/will never really know, despite our best theological and intellectual efforts, the nature of God. For me to acknowledge the limitations of human knowledge might actually be the reversal of doubt. Even more, Anne Lamott's words ring as my favorite truth: "The opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty."
I'm sick of the certainty I hear. I'm also jealous of it. When I hear people speak with such assurance and belief, I'm both frustrated and enamored with them. I will never achieve any sort of certainty when it comes to God. So I'm going to stop talking about God.
Today, I also think in terms of "Universe" instead of "God." I do pray to a "Creator" -- because I still do believe in a higher being that is creative and powerful -- but I am trying to edge away from the constructions of God that exist in churches and classrooms. Many will say that makes me an atheist, but so what?
It's better than talking about things you don't know.
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